Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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