You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
