WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think your dad took our porno
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
