So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
