I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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