He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
