Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
