Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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