when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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