I hope my margaritas pass through security.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
