I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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