she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
