Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
