very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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