Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Never underestimate the power of titties
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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