I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
