why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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