I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
