My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
