so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize