It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
