listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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