Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
