I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
