Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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