I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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