very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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