My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
