Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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