just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
