hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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