I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
