i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I think i got beer on your cat.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
