wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
