she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
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I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
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I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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