I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
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dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
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Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
so much tequila, so little girl.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.