And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.