I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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