Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes