So how was he last night?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
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He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
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Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF