im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.