once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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