Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
