whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
