I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
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It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
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The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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