M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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