The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
