Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
