your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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