sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
