Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
