I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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