dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
