So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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