Screwed.edu
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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