Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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