I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
