so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
