It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
