OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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