what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
