the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
