all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
