What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
