hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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