Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize