you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
