I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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