Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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