plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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