Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
