This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
