dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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